Speakers on for music:                 As Time Goes by - Scroll down slightly. It will then scroll unassisted.
 


The Clock is Ticking and Time is Flying!

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!
 



 

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
 

 
 

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

 


 

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts and have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
 




 



 



I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour but, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
 



_______________________________

 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

 

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

 

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

 



These days about half the stuff in my shopping
cart says, 'For fast relief.'

 

 


 

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.



 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

 

 


 




Thanks to Helen Von Waldner for forwarding the text of this page

- Web page by Bettye C. -

Aging Woman