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The Clock is Ticking and Time is Flying!

Getting Old

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.  A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise??  I don't think so.  Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.  Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

   1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
   2.  My wild oats are  mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
   3.  I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
   4.  Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
   5.  Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
   6.  If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
   7.  It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
   8.  Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamppost.
   9.  I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
  10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
  14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
  15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play
  16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
  17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go 
       somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
  19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


I've sure gotten old!  I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts and have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. but, thank God, I still have my driver's license.


These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'


The Senility Prayer:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.


Thought for the day:

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Web page by Grandma